Meltdowns

I understand that non-aspies people find aspie meltdowns very challenging. I wish people understood what it is like for us. Even now, I live in fear of having a meltdown. As a child it was worse. Non-aspies seem to focus on 'managing' the 'behaviour' and I do get why you want to do this. But the first thing the parents / carers / teachers of aspies need to accept is that meltdowns happen. They might always happen. And they happen to us even though you may feel like it is something we are 'doing' to you. That is not the case. It is something awful, frightening and horrible that is happening to us and we cant always stop it no matter how hard we try. In a similar way (I imagine) that a person with epilepsy can't stop themselves from having a fit and I guess if I had epilepsy I would live in fear of having fits. But I have aspergers and I live in fear of meltdowns. I am often faced with parents who are trying to understand the meltdowns that their child has. If you are one of those parents / carers / teachers then here's what I want you to think about... Meltdowns are like nightmares that happen in the day time. If you were faced with a child who is having a nightmare, you would not storm into their room and yell at them or tell them off or suggest that they are behaving badly. You would not withdraw affection until they apologise. You would help them and comfort them would you not? So this is what we need you to do for us. And yes, I understand that its scary for you too. Because you can't control it. We can't either. (And Im not saying that its pointless to look for preventative solutions or moderating strategies.) Most of us (even 6 year olds) will describe a meltdown in the same way, eg 'information overload', 'brain freeze', 'brain crash', 'too much coming in' or words to that effect. So even though the stimulus or the triggers may be different the end result is the same. Like cars, Asperger's comes in many makes, models and colours ... but no matter what make, model or colour the car is ... it can still crash. And you might not be able to stop the car from crashing but you can take steps to minimise the impact. If you have an Aspie in your life try talking to them about their meltdowns. Assume that a meltdown is going to happen. Make it ok to talk about. Make a plan before hand about how you can help them. Talk it over with them. Even kids as young as 5 or 6 will talk about this as long as you make it safe for them to do so. Often what we need from you is the opposite to what we are saying. We might be telling you to leave us alone. We might be crying and swearing or even smacking ourselves. We might be defensive of our personal space. But if we have a management plan it can really help. My management plan is pretty simple but quite specific. If I am having a meltdown, my partner knows that I don't want to be left alone even if I am screaming 'leave me alone'. The next step is that I need quite a firm and restraining hug. I will sometimes resist this. Then my partner will say 'everything is going to be ok'. Of course I may respond that 'its not ok' or words to that effect. But generally this procedure stops the meldown. What works for me wont work for everyone but Im happy to answer questions if anyone does actually read this.