A little person is on its way into my world. No I'm not about to give birth. My brother and his partner are having their first child as I type this. It feels a little surreal. I have always known that I would never produce a child and it was looking like my brother wasn't going to produce one either ... then suddenly ... something shifted and a baby has found its way into my world. Is it possible to love someone you haven't even met yet? Yes of course. It is rare for me to feel an emotion and be absolutely certain that the label I am using to describe it is the correct label. But I know that I am feeling overwhelmed by love and excitement and anticipation. It feels good to be so sure. Emotions are very very confusing. I can't always tell the difference between extreme emotions. For example love and hate and rage and jealousy and ecstasy can all feel a bit the same in some ways... they are all just extreme emotions (it is sometimes easier to say I hate you rather than I love you, even if I don't hate you and I do love you... but if I have ever loved you then you would know this already). Its not like that with me and children. I never feel confused about them. They never seem to feel confused about me. I am always the most popular person in a room full of kids. I think thats why Im so excited about this baby. I know without a doubt that we will have a special bond and I will no longer be the baby of the family. This baby will (at least for a while) be less capable than me. It will cry more and make more mistakes (at least for a while). 40 years is a long time to wait for that! This baby will make me seem like a grown up ... until it grows up and sees that I never did ... but that's a long way off ... so bring on the baby!
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